I woke up with this in my head…
On a different note:
I’ve been thinking about insecurity.
Every human on this planet (maybe not those on other planets) is insecure to a degree or other. Granted, some are plagued with it more, and some less. At the same time, a number struggle with it in varying shades. As in: fight, and desire to conquer.
It seems it springs from the innate desire to be loved, accepted, & cherished that resides in the DNA of homo sapiens. The question of the hour:
“Am I struggling with insecurity, or am I insecure?”
Is it a human imperfection that I need victory over or a personal characteristic that I hide behind and claim as a part of me? On any given day, I vacillate between these 2 stances. When my mom, who loves me immensely, goes to a movie with her friend (or my sister) instead of with me, I have a choice. I can be crushed and believe that she doesn’t want to be around me, or that she cares less for me. Oooooor, I can be mature and recognize that we each have our own lives and that I am not the only person in her life who she loves. This in no way affects her love for me. Applying reason and rationale to the situation enables me to be secure in our relationship and to not tear myself apart from the inside over an imagined cessation of affection, or to act negatively towards whoever I happen to interact with next.
From observation of humanity at large, it appears to me that many interpersonal behaviors, both good and bad, stem from the measure of victory or defeat in this arena. Bad behavior does not equal defeat. Good behavior does not equal victory. We can do good things for selfish reasons. We can do terrible things with the right heart. However, if we do not establish security for ourselves, the potential for irreparable damage to us and those we love is very much alive and well.
I may be taking this entirely out of context. (Galatians 6:2,5) “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ… For each will have to bear his own load.” I am no good to myself or the people in my life if I am an emotional vacuum.
I have been fighting this battle for as long as I can remember. I have surrendered to the villain at times, very dark times indeed. I have at other times experienced the upper hand in the altercation.
By this: (2 Corinthians 10:5) “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Which begs the question: “What does Jesus say?” (1 John 4:18) There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 3:1) “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.”
It is very much a choice whether to struggle with insecurity, or to be an insecure person.
If God, Himself, loves me enough to sacrifice what is Dearest to Him, I am of incredible worth.
If I have a behavior that prevents people from enjoying or even tolerating my company, it is in my own best interest to change. If I am broken, and this is causing me to hurt others, it stands to reason that I need to get better.
Everyone is not out to get me.
Everyone does not hate me.
I am not pathetic. Well, maybe I am.
But the point is, I choose with every interaction whether I am a worthy individual with human tendencies or a worthless sack of crap. I may feel like the latter, but feelings do not dictate truth.
I am not ashamed or embarrassed to say that I am getting counseling. I want the broken places to heal. I have chosen to do what it takes to get better so that I won’t pass the hurt on to my children. We are all broken. We all need help. We all have a constant choice to make, not just for ourselves, but for those who love us, rely on us, and need us.