Posted in Blogging, Oh, Baby!, The Husband, Trailer Park Diaries, TV

Part 4… Limited Time Offer

Get your own now!  Special Edition Trailer Park Barbie with Jacuzzi!  (no purchase necessary… see store for details…)

I finally test-drove/inaugurated/christened/whatever my bathtub.  Why it took me so long I can’t rightfully say as I do not truly know.  Perhaps between air-drying carpets, teething, poopy diapers, arranging and rearranging furniture, working 20+ hours per week outside the home, and general day-to-day fatigue, it is all I can do to run a toothbrush across my teeth before falling exhausted into bed.  Only to get up again @ 6 the next morning and repeat.  Too bad it’s not a repeat preceded by lather and rinse…

Tonight, however, was another matter.

Jim, unusually, did not have to work.  It is Friday night and the first he’s had off in months.  And by ‘off’ I mean he does not have to clock in at the hotel.  The phone is still glued to his ear.  Sales never rest.  Again, back to my bathtub…

The last time I had my own bathtub was just over a year ago.  True, I had been using the one at my parents’ house for a little more than a year, but by ‘mine’ I do mean a bathtub that I am the sole queen of, that I pay the rent bill on, that I can utilize with as much hot water as I please, whenever and however long I please.  Granted, of course, that my darling angels (cough) are sound asleep in bed (not in my closet).  My last bathtub (I am now too relaxed to focus through an entire thought.) was a large, oval affair, separate from the shower and with a large window at the end which provided the perfect amount of light and privacy when the blinds were tilted just so.  With my 2 previous pregnancies, this tub was very nearly the throne from which I reigned.  Large enough to be comfortable ‘in my condition’ as our forebears would say, it was always prepared for a relaxing bubble bath whenever necessary with an enormous jug of the latest  scent of bubble-producing liquid.

There were still dishes in the sink, but somehow, since Jim was home, I felt I was off the hook, if you will, in terms of the evening cleanup.  FoxNEWS was on TV, so I slipped away to test out my hitherto untested tub.  After a quick clearing out of the myriad bath toys and a quick once-over ensuring a post-baby sanitation, it was ready.  Thanking Esther from the bottom of my heart, I fished out the little bottle of vanilla and brown sugar bubble bath and turned on the water.

Here I must insert a few quick facts about the special-edition jacuzzi with which Trailer Park Barbie is being sold this week.

  • It is NOT a jacuzzi.  But I’m pretty sure you already knew that.
  • It is somewhat shy of full-sized.  How this is possible, I do not know.  I thought tubs came in standard sizes.
  • The sides are not wide enough on which to lay an open book for leisurely bath time reading.
  • It is outfitted with one of those lovely rubber tub stoppers so aptly named ‘Tub-Stopper: 1 1/2 – 2 inch”.
  • The water pressure has somehow been enhanced by a stopper of a similar material fastened inside the faucet causing a fine spray across the entire bathroom should one place anything in the path of the water flow.  Including the bottom of the tub.

However, this brings us to the pros… the things that bring this bathing facility out of the realm of ordinary into the arena of trailer-park heavenly…

  • The increased water pressure creates the most divine bubbles.  In fact, they surpass the level of bubbles, and proceed directly to ‘cloud of fluff’ approximately 8 inches in depth.  And they do not dissipate throughout the course of the bath.  I bet they’re still in there.
  • The water is soft.  Silky smooth.  A bit of scientific research could tell me why this is, but I prefer to leave science by the wayside this once in favor of the magic of blissful ignorance.

Fortunately the lack of insulation between the inner and outer walls of my bathtub is a non-issue since my pregnant, lard-ass self was forced to exit in a timely manner lest I overheat and be found passed out due to over-exposure of delight.

It was a delicious experience.  I smell of vanilla and brown sugar, my feet have been dutifully pumiced, and the muscles in my lower back are less tense than they have been since sometime in May.  I felt this experience merited sharing.  Since I was inspired for a blog post while bubble-bathing, I wonder if napping would produce a novel.  Or a textbook of some kind.  What would result from my upcoming 60-minute prenatal massage?  An encyclopedia set?



I rock. I also paper and scissors.

2 thoughts on “Part 4… Limited Time Offer

  1. OOOO you are good…Daughter-O-Mine!

    You have a natural flair for the written word. Beautiful!!!

    I think your next installment of Trailer Park Barbie should include a “give away”. Maybe one of those divine cookbooks we saw at Barnes and Noble. O-yeah…you know the cookbooks of which I speak.



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