My sister, Katie, is poised to emerge as a literary genius.
Between her and me, we will decimate anyone who calls her ‘Little Phebe’, but in this case, I do believe the title over-glorifies my writing skills. She has, at the age of 13, perhaps already surpassed me in the prose department.
I will, henceforth, showcase her latest masterpiece:
Mrs. Rusty Gorby
Academic writing II
April 30, 2009
Only one more to go, Litterona thought, one more, and my friend and I will be out of here. In the last couple of weeks, she and her best friend had been through so much and grown so much closer, especially on their trek through the desert. However, she could not think about that now. She was doing everything in her power to prevent the monsters from gobbling her up. She said a silent prayer to Veraldus, god of strength. Help us to out wit each of these beasts and be triumphant in each of the battles set before us.
The fighting had begun with an 18-foot tall 12-eyed monster whose name was Trop. He was the ringleader of the notorious ‘Cave terrors’. He was not very bright but he was extremely powerful. Litterona and her best friend Valipidous battled him with ‘wits’. All they had to do was ask him what the square root of twenty-five was and he was stuck pondering. Occasionally he would say, “I think I have it! Oh wait, no, never mind.” The young warriors considered the monster defeated. They managed to escape his part of the cave and move on.
Monster number two was really a little scary. He, or it, or whatever it was, had two heads. One head was named Blorf and the other was named Glorf. Together they made the number one stand-up comedy act. Blorf always had sarcasm to hurl at any remark made. Continually, Glorf stood by with a brainy comment. The comical monster was good at fighting because it would just have to pluck its laughing victims off the floor. Litterona and Valipidous easily passed the Glorf/Blorf test. The young fighters were both very serious about life so they had no trouble resisting the laughter to which others had fallen prey. After the two-headed comedian, came Gorg the tiny, or ‘cute li’l’ Gorg’ as the other monsters called him. He was the tiniest living thing the heroes had ever seen but he had the biggest ego they could have imagined. He thought so highly of himself that he thought even the sticks and stones bowed down to him. Litterona and Valipidous put their heads together and decided that the best way to fight this beast was simply to ignore him. They walked into the room and pretended that they did not see him, hear him, or even acknowledge the fact he was in the room. His feelings were so hurt he threw himself onto his bed and bawled.
“Well he’s unavailable to fight us now so I guess we will leave,” chuckled Valipidous
Litterona snapped out of her flashback. They were up against the last monster and since he was the last, he was probably the worst or the best (depends on your perspective). The adrenaline started flowing through their bodies. They had to outwit him and get out alive. Valipidous (being the chivalrous one) eased the door open and peered in the room where the last creature resided.
His action was followed by a shrill voice that screeched, “Oh, my gosh! Just because we are monsters does not mean that we cannot knock on other people’s doors. Golly! We aren’t that uncivilized.”
“Actually,” stated Litterona matter-of-factly. “We are your ten-thirty appointment.”
“In that case step in to my office,” The voice called back to them.
They stepped into what looked like the home of a millionaire. The young adventurers found their minds racing. What type of battle they would fight next? When would the last monster reveal himself? They were completely distracted by their own thoughts, so of course they did not realize the fact that they were hanging upside down. They had fallen into a trap!
“Don’t struggle. The knots will only get tighter and the chaffing will only get worse,” warned the voice.
Litterona and Valipidous looked as best they could toward they voice. They concluded that it was coming from something that resembled a deformed rabbit.
“How sweet, the monster has a handicapped rabbit. He must have a soft spot,” Valipidous whispered.
The voice spoke once again, “I don’t enjoy your taunting. Moreover, just so we can clear things up my name is Steve and I am sick of every one thinking I am cute. I am not cute. I am brilliant and I am vicious. From now on, you will refer to me as Steve the brilliant one. Understood?”
The conquerors could not believe themselves. They had insulted poor Steve! They had made a very bad first impression.
Trying to salvage their reputation, Litterona spoke up, “We are so sorry. We did not know. How can we make it up to you? Oh, I know! Do you like tea? I make a mean cup of tea. I put in one teaspoon of sugar and one table spoon of half and half and –”
“ENOUGH!!!!!” yelled Steve, “I would gladly sit down to tea with you if you will tell me just what exactly what you are doing in my house.”
Steve provided Litterona with all the proper tea-making tools and set Valipidous to work making miniature sandwiches. They were all going to have brunch together. Frankly it reminded Litterona and Valipidous of the tea parties they used to have ten years ago but they didn’t say anything for fear that they would once again be hanging upside-down. As soon as the brunch was prepared the three of them sat down to eat. That was when Litterona told Steve of all their adventures.
She began, “Once upon a time there were best friends, a girl and a boy who didn’t quite know who they were. They looked nothing like their parents. Therefore, they prayed to Valuesh the king of the gods of Sympertia, the god of riches and prosperity to tell them who their real parents were. As it turned out, they were actually the children of gods themselves. Apparently, the children were born too early to have developed their immortality so they were given to earth families who could not have children. When the boy and girl were no longer satisfied with just knowing who their parents were, they were given a quest. Their quest: defeat or tame the cave monsters or do anything to keep them from terrorizing the people of Golamia (the homeland of Litterona and Valipidous). The companions embarked on their journey. They fought the monsters of hunger and thirst in the desert for three days, and then Alephenus, the goddess of deserts and sand, wife of Valuesh, and mother of Litterona, looked favorably upon them. They got out of the desert alive. It had taken them eight days total to travel the 50 miles between their home and the cave of Trop, Blorf, Glorf, Gorg, and Steve. The gods had told the children that if they delivered the Golamians of the cave monsters they would be granted immortality and could live with the gods in Sympertia, the home of the gods distantly related to Zeus and Hera. And thus ends the tale.”
“Quite interesting,” said Steve as he rubbed his chin in thought, “all you have left of your quest is to tame me? Well I’ll make sure the guys and I don’t attack any more cities if we can come live in Sympertia with you guys.”
“We will have to take that up with our parents,” stated Valipidous
They hung out with Steve and really had a great time too. They all got along very nicely and had much in common. Steve had never met his real parents either. Their new monster friend set up the two guest rooms for them. In the morning, they had a breakfast of giant chicken eggs and Monster O’s. Then they left their cave buddies behind.
At the entrance of the cave, they were met by Valuesh and Alephenus. They were taken to Sympertia to meet every one. Litterona met her brother and sister, Senaleus god of fruit and Serindelaus goddess of flowing waters. Valipidous met his mother and father, Tronius goddess of wildfires and Veraldus god of strength. Valuesh crowned Litterona, goddess of wittiness and he crowned Valipidous, god of bravery. Litterona and Valipidous were married three months later. The entire clan of their cave dwelling pals was there to see the marriage for they had relocated to a cave in Sympertia. As time passed in Sympertia, Litterona and Valipidous gave birth to a set of twins. They called their two little boys Rolandinaus and Sodrilius. They grew up brave and strong like their parents. They became the gods of happiness and mischief. Litterona and Valipidous lived on forever in happiness.
I rest my case.
Nothing further, Your Honor.