Happy April 2nd, the day after the infamous April Fool’s Day.
When speaking of pulling pranks, the word that best describes me is ‘inept’. I am so bad at keeping a straight face during any kind of trickery, even if I am not the perpetrator. I suppose that is a good thing: I am not good at lying. Hence, I have not attempted April Fool’s shenanigans very often.
This year was a completely different matter. It was a sort of initiation. For my husband. Being an only child, he was deprived of brotherly and sisterly affection in the form of pranks as only siblings can show affection. Due to recent events, Jim and I have been living with my parents for about 6 months now. For the first time in his 30 years of life, Jim has siblings. In-law siblings count. My brothers and sisters have been most gracious in allowing him space to grow accustomed to the constant hum of activity resulting from many people in a small space. On April 1st, however, it permissible to cut loose and torment the heck out of the New Guy, who in this case, is Jim.
Thank God they let me in on all of it so as not to cause me to separate their limbs from their bodies when falling prey to their mischief.
- Bullion cubes in the shower head.
- Attaching every pair of underwear to the pair folded underneath it.
- A note on the windshield apologizing for the ‘dent’.
- A rubber band around the kitchen sink sprayer.
- A pile of ‘poo’ created with chocolate and corn.
The best joke of all, however, was ALL ME!
Whilst sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen the previous night, I mulled over what to do. I felt that I must participate in the festivities however poorly I would perform the trickery. A hint of an idea presented itself which I half-heartedly entertained. “Do I have any pregnant friends?”
In order to fully grasp the humor in this, I must share some history. Jim and I were married on September 10th, 2006. I got pregnant in October, miscarried, and was pregnant again by December. Our son, Levi, was born on September 1st, 2007. When Levi was a mere 5 months old, most definitely NOT according to plan, I again became pregnant with our beautiful Emberleigh, born November 22nd, 2008. During the course of the last 1 1/2, Jim has been laid off from 3 jobs due to the financial situation of 3 respective companies in California by which he had been employed. By the 3rd time, my wonderful husband decided that moving to Virginia was our best course of action. I readily agreed as my family lives in Virginia. In a month, we had moved in to a bedroom off my parents’ living room while Jim proceeded to search for employment. Finding a job proved difficult at the time as many companies do not want to hire in the present economy. God be praised, he was hired about a month ago by a sales and installation center for satellite TV and internet.
Emberleigh is 4 months old now, just one month younger than Levi was when Emberleigh announced her presence via my violent morning sickness and total lack of ability to do anything but sleep.
“Do I have any pregnant friends?”
My brother’s (girl)friend’s mom was surprised in much the same way as I had previously been when she recently discovered that she was pregnant. Her youngest is 3 years old and was to be the last. Not knowing her very well, but risking it all for the sake of a bit of excitement of the prankster variety, I dialed her number and requested her participation. She was quite a sport and agreed that this was indeed a most excellent idea. I stopped by her house after lunch “to drop some things off”, I told my hunny. In reality I was armed with an unused pregnancy test and a heart full of mischief.
By about 4 0’clock in the afternoon, I was ready to work my magic. Mustering up a distraught look on my face, accented with my hands to my head pulling handfuls of hair, I sent Evan to find Jim and “tell him I need to speak to him!” By now, the entire family was in on the joke. It was already going far better than I ever could have dreamed. Wednesday, being Jim’s day off, found him sitting at the selfsame breakfast bar where I had cooked up my awful scheme. He hurried into our room. “Yes, babe?”
He took in my flustered appearance as I stammered out my ‘news’ and flung the positive test in his direction.
A deep breath, something of a grunt, and ‘I gotta go lay down!’
I proceeded to contemplate how it ‘all made sense’. The ‘nausea’ (too many pancakes without a bit of protein before working out), tiredness (a late night), and a decreased milk supply (Emberleigh may just prefer a bottle). I laid down and curled up as if my world had just come to an end.
He took it so well that I began to fear that he had caught on and was playing me in return, until he called up my friend’s husband and poured out his heart. It was really working! I never intended it to go on so long, but this was too good to be true! He had bought what I was selling–hook, line, and sinker! I even stooped so low as to request McDonald’s on the way to church (I always crave Mickey D’s when I’m knocked up.).
I am a terrible wife. I let the joke go on and on. A couple of people at church asked me if he was ok. Of course, being the evil person I am, I let them in on the prank. Finally, feeling bad for the poor man, I waited for youth group to be dismissed. He has been sitting in on Wednesday night with the Youth Group. I walked up to him and said ‘Happy April Fool’s Day!’
He did not put 2 and 2 together as quickly as I had anticipated. I suppose that the weight of the latest news had overtaken his otherwise sharp mental capacity. I repeated with more emphasis and a wink, “Happy April Fool’s Day!”
Slowly the realization sunk in. He looked dazed. It was somewhere between relief and ‘you are going to die!’
Jim: Are you serious?
Me: Yes, hunny, I love you.
Me: Are you ok?
Jim: I think so. Uuuuuuuhhhh…
Me: I’d better run for my life!
On the way home, he said, “I take back all that sentimental stuff I said. ‘We’re in this together.’ ‘We can do this.’ I take it all back. The whole time you were really just laughing at me.”
It really was beautiful. If he responded to a fake one like that, I have no fear of whatever God throws at us next. My dear hubby has proven to me that he is very nearly Superman.
He did admit that I had done well.
I will now make a move towards a career in either acting or espionage.