Evan coined a word. It means ‘the god of all pirates’. Arrrrgh!
In this house, we share an addiction: Facebook. On Facebook, one can change one’s language to any number of things. If you speak German, you can read your Facebook in German. If you are Finnish, your Facebook can also be Finnish.
If you are, in fact, peiratemaniac, you can change your Facebook language to Pirate.
Evan’s status on the aforementioned portal of addiction declared to the world that he is now the king or god of pirates. His friend, Nick, or Cap’n Nickolai as he referred to himself while drinking the grog of the power of Facebook pirateness, declared war on Evan and his bad pirate self. Arg! Mateys!
Having fallen prey to the ever-beckoning Facebook, I decided to climb aboard the virtual pirate ship of laughter. What ensued was a ‘battle’ in which Evan and Nick fought via chat and Wall for the peiratemaniac preeminence and I assayed to make alliances with both parties, without the other’s knowledge.
I here insert a bit of the jargon that was exchanged by the scurvy bilgerats…
Evan: Evan is the master peiratemaniac over all!
To which Nick replied: Nick is the holy lord peiratemaniac over all the minor (evan)peiratemaniac.
Evan: Evan is god over all peiratemania. Who ever dares to question or put himself above me will be sentenced to death by guillotine!
Me: Phebe is more peiratemaniacal than either Evan or Nick! (Why I joined the battle I do not know. Perhaps the wizardwood enticed me.)
Evan gazed upon my proclamation and declared: By the power vested in me i pronounce you to death by guillotine! So doth the royal courts give hear too. Your sentence will be conceived in due time when the appropriate accommodations have been made after a non-fair trial by jury. Bear in mind that he is now an ordained minister via the internet by the mistaken push of a button or two…
I reply: I remain unscathed by thy harsh pronouncement of yours truly. Thou hast not the power to take my freedom from me neither dost thou know wherefore I keep myself at such a time as thou shouldst deign to bequeath punishment upon mine erstwhile self, despite thy high and noble standing as a good right reverend of the faith.
Whereupon Nick extends an invitation to me: Phebe Fitzgerald harking from west california- Hear me now. I will spare your life only if you will team up with me to destroy evan and his puny peiratemaniacness. Ahh! An alliance! This must be more serious than I thought!
Me: I do solemnly acquiesce to your request, nay, your demand. I shall do as you see fit. Phebe hath reckoned herself in league with Cap’n Nick of Baldi.
From this point forward, I abandon my proper upbringing and the genteel speech I had cultivated under my governess in preparation for my coming of age ball and tarned t’ th’ tongue of the pirate fo’k… and changed my bewitched portal’s tongue (Facebook language) to Pirate. Yes, I confess, I succumbed.
ALL HAIL PHEBE AND NICK AS LONE RULERS OF PEIRATEMANIACNESS!!
Yet not knowing of the alliance, Evan blasts a cannon at Nick! arrr me matey.. doth thou bestow such a scroll upon me sisters wall and me not catch a lick of it
Nick: all hail alliegence to Cap’n Phebes and Cap’n Nickolai.
Alas! The alliance cannot be kept a secret! You can hear the pain as Evan cries out in vain: ah but only leaders in thy own mind.. and thou who dost bring wind upon such an issue as to who be the leader of thine outfit… i put mineself above all else. blasted all of ya.. from whence you came you shall remain!
Nick: HEARKEN YE SCURVY DOGS!! CAP’N PHEBES AND CAP’N NICK BE TAKING OVER THIS DESOLATE WASTELAND SO LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS AND SWEAR ALLIEGENCE.
Evan: AVAST! IF IF YE TRY TO PILAGE MY VESSEL I SHALL TAKE NO REGRET IN CAPTURIN YOUR PUTRID SOUL.. YE SALTY DOG!! LISTEN HERE YOU BILGE RAT IFN YOU TRY TO INTERLOPE ON ME GROUND ASSUREDLY YE SHALL BE DANCIN’ WITH JACK KETCH
I am not a loyal pirate. I joined Evan in allegiance. I fear I shall soon be taking a long walk off a short plank down to Davy Jones’ Locker! Aaarrrgh!
I do believe the most fun I have is with Evan. Though it appears it will end in my untimely demise, or the loss of limbs to sea serpents… Wait, that’s from another story…