She often asks me, “What do you know?”
I steady my breathing. Ground myself in the room. Be in the present.
And then I frantically grasp for something profound that validates my right to exist. Some existential concept that buys me a place in life by virtue of depth and uncommon wisdom. Something to make up for the deficit that I am.
If I have to grasp for it, it’s not really mine. It’s not really what I know. So I’m learning how to slow down. To quiet the frantic pursuit. To be still so the dust can settle. So I can know. And when the dust does settle, when the chaos of panicked searching calms, what is there? Even if I have no answers. Even if I don’t know what questions to ask.
I am loved.
What I know and what I believe is in flux. Changing. Evolving. Making room for bigger and more complex paradoxes and truths. Because that’s what being human is. Growth. Change. Evolution. I started out with a disaster of a belief. A way of existing bequeathed to me by a jagged and broken system birthed in the pain of a myriad of other tales of human suffering. The human soul wants to live and survive but it also wants to grow and thrive. So the scrappy, fragile me broke out piece by piece into a new day, a new life. A life fresh with questions, with terrifying possibilities.
I am here.
I am Loved.
And that is what I know.
Loved makes space to ask and grow and learn and become.
Loved says yes to connection. Loved finds beauty wherever it can be found. Love has room for all the ways our souls long and question and grow. Love is not afraid of different. Love is not put off by doubt. Love is big enough for you. Love is big enough for me. It is big enough for us to figure out our shit together. Love does not demand a reason for being. It does not require you to validate your existence. Love says you are here and that is enough. You are enough.
So I choose to live from Loved. I answer from Loved. I grow from Loved.
It is messy and uncertain. It is different. It is wild. It is not tame or confined.
But it is real. Authentic. Genuine. Organic. And so very Alive.
There is no adventure like the life lived from Loved.
So I answer her in the quiet space.
What do I know?
I know acceptance.
I know Loved.